Lesbi-honest • Part 1

-
I'm finally back with a 4-part blog post... Is that the right way to explain what I'm doing? I'm basically going to be publishing 4 posts. This post is the first part, I'll be posting part 2 tomorrow, part 3 will be up the day after tomorrow and part 4 would be up the day after the day after tomorrow lol. (I don't know why this paragraph has decided to center itself...)
These four post are on the subject of how I grew up and came to realise and accept that I'm gay asf, basically the thoughts, feelings and experiences I've had over the past 13 years.

 I actually thought my memory was trash so I surprised myself with how much I remembered and how I remembered everything so clearly...


Ooo, wait before I start I have to give any family members that are reading this a little heads up... Umm... This 4-part post begins to gets a little bit saucy in part 3 and part 4... Not extremely saucy but maybe just enough for you to cringe...

 If you read this mum... I think part 4 will make you cringe, I've already talked to you about the saucy stuff so reading it in black and white... well technically pink and black, probably will be... harder to digest.

My sister... Don't be shooketh either, I'm going to give another heads up beforehand in part 4, I know you dont want to accidentally start reading it, you're welcome.

 Putting parts of my sex life on here for anyone to read is kinda strange but I want to openly talk about it because just like every other part in my life, it helped me realise what was and wasn't for me, it played a part in me understanding myself better.

 Btw I don't go into overly pornographic details because the extreme details aren't vital, I'm not trying to create a Fifty Shades of Grey post. The details that I do mention are fill in a few possible blanks so that you get the gist of what I've experienced.

 So, yeah... just a little heads up so that if any of my family members do continue reading all 4 parts, you're less taken back.

I chose the title "Lesbi-honest" because of the way the phrase was said in the movie Pitch Perfect.



This scene was actually funny when I first watched it, but looking at the picture isn't actually funny... 

 Luckily that wasn't the only reason why I chose to use "Lesbi-honest" as my title, I also chose it because a year ago I was questioning my sexuality again, then had an epiphany and said "Amina... Lesbi-honest now, uno you've loved girls from day one, stop playing yourself and start accepting yourself."

It was when I started reflecting on my past with a clear mind, that was when everything made sense to me. I knew what questions I had to ask myself and I knew every one of my answer were actually my answers, the right answers. Instead of trying to find suitable answers that fit into this societies "acceptable" boxes... Those simple minded boxes are beyond ridiculous like "You can't be this if you've done this, you can't be that if you're not like this." The actually cheek of this society telling you how to be based on the stereotypes they created for their comfort. Absolute pricks. 

 Back to my point... Being able to reflect on myself without allowing outside opinions to constantly make me doubt myself was empowering, I felt like weights were being lifted off of me each time.

 I went through every single moment in my where there were "signs" from the time I looked at one of my girl friend in year two and thought "There's something about her..." But brushed off that thought and butterfly feeling I had in my tummy.

 To the times in High School and afterwards where several of my girl friends would do something playfully saucy to me and I would think "Is it normal for me to be wanting more to happen or..."
 
                          Part 2

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Songs I've overplayed.... With no regret.

-
Image
So I've decided to do this random post about a selection of songs on my playlist that I currently have on loop. Once I hear a song that gives me butterflies, makes me feel content or hypes me I will to listen to it over and over again.  I appreciate the song more every time, I'll loop a song for a good month or two before I even consider listening to something new. I'm quite stubborn... Sometimes very stubborn... Actually 90% of the time I'm very stubborn when it comes to listening to new music, (Also TV shows and movies). It's rare that someone recommends an artist or even just one song and I'm open to listen to it at that moment or that year. I purposely avoid listening to what people recommended, because If I'm going to listen to something new, I will and not just because you've recommended it or it's popular. I have to be in the mood so I can interpret the song my way, in my own time. You have to be super special for me to be doing that lo
Read more

Lesbi-honest • Part 2

-
Image
You guys... I had so many childhood girl crushes I didn't know I was actually crushing on at the time. I remember watching TV shows and movies in the frontroom with my family and there being girls and women that my eyes would be stuck on and I would legit be smiling like a pleb whenever they came up on screen. Have any one of yous watched either one of these  Atlantis  films? These two films were my favourites for so many reasons but let me not going into that because that would turn into a long ass essay.  If you haven't heard of either of these Atlantis movies basically there's two characters I  loved so much, the first character was Kida. I actually still love her lol. The first time I watched  Atlantis  and saw Kida I was like "Oooooo" and stayed fixated on her whenever she was on the screen, I loved everything about her character, she was this confident, compassionate, spiritual Princess. I can admit that I watched both of these movies more
Read more

Lesbi-honest • Part 3

-
Image
As the years went by in Primary School I started making more friends and began to hear conversations about crushes on boys, boyfriends and all that jazz. When it came to me asking questions about this topic I always asked about boy and girl relationships and crushes and the dynamics between the opposite gender, I never thought to mention girls possibly liking girls  even though I basically had a crush on the majority of the girls I was friends with and a few girls in the years above me... Maybe a little more than a few... At the time I never actually knew that what I thought and felt about girls was called having a crush, I genuinely thought a crush was exclusively between the opposite genders due to never seeing or hearing otherwise in school, at home, on TV or anywhere else, so being oblivious to it allowed my... unique way of thinking to come up with my own two theories when I was 9 years old...  Either I thought and felt a type of way about girls and it was a normal "
Read more

Lesbi-honest • Part 4

-
Image
(Another heads up for my family members... This is the saucy post...) After High School I still thought I was bisexual as I still found men attractive and fantasied about them, I would look at a guy and think "Ooo I wouldn't mind a piece of that." Not deeping that that didn't mean what I thought it meant , it was just a flippant comment... I had to learn that from experience. When it came to guys and sex I thought "Yes! I've fantasied about being with guys, I feel giggly from the attention and conversions had with guys, I have this intense chemistry with guys, I don't feel cringed out about the thought of having sex with a guy so I must be bisexual."   Whilst I was getting saucy with this one guy, I was thinking "You're bisexual, y ou find him attractive, give it some time, you're bound to like start enjoying it any... minute... now! No? Okay, give it a little longer, see how far you can go until you know for sure that it's a
Read more

Get To Know More About Me...

-
Image
Hey hey hey, first of all thank you for actually taking the time to read my first ever blog post and as this is my first post, it seems right for it to be an in depth bio so you get to know more about me, my life, why I decided to start my own blog and what my whole blog content will be about.  Btw I recommend you read this using the web version. So let's start with the basics, my name is Amina Afua Milkia Lawrence. I'm going to tell you how to pronounce my names, just incase you read that in your head or out loud and in the back of your head you were thinking  "Umm... How do I pronounce that?" •Amina ( Ah-meena ). •Afua doesn't really need to be broken down.  •Milkia ( Mi-like-ah ) I don't know why I started laughing whilst saying my last middle name slowly, sounds like I'm talking in patios, No? Only me? Okay. So the meaning of my first and middle names mean a lot to me. They make me feel special, I mean obviously your bi
Read more